somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
