nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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