dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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