Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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