pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
