I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
