shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
