Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
