Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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