Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
