The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
