but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
