I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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