she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
