I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
