I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
