I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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