I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
