She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
