From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
