Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
