I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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