Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
