Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A bitchslap is in order.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
