STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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