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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I lost the right to judge tonight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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