it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
