somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
