Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
