At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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