Christians are straight up FREAKS
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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