If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
