If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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