Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
