Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
false alarm. still invincible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
