I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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