My friends, they love my intelligence
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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