Are we in a gay sports bar?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
meet me or not, i'm out of control
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
