sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize