How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
