then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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