At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
