I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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