I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
