Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
