Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
