that's an acceptable place to lick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
where does the pee come out of this thing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So. Much. Porn.
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