do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
