we made out on top of his cat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
