the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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