Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
