Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
