Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
