You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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