dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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