come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
