My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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