I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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