Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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