What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
