Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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