Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
