i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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