Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
