he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize