Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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