Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
