please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
