flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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