dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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