I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
