I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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