Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
