Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
