Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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