I got chris browned last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
