I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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