1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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