I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
