Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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