I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
