u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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