the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
