I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
